Right now, I feel ridiculously sad and not comfortable with myself. Generally I'm pretty happy, but right now, I feel as if the world is cold, and uncaring. There's nothing that is interesting to me right now, and I had a small fight? with my mom. About my future, and how my first year of college was a waste of time and money. There's many things she does not understand about me, or it. I really do want to succeed and get into this program. If I fail this year, the next time will be my third and all she's throwing at me is "I don't have money to pay for all of this"; she says it like I don't know. Like I haven't realized that failure really isn't an option. And she might be right, I might have saved money, I might have only had to go to 'school' for one day, but really... I've met so many nice people, people who have helped me, I've learned to love the school I go to so much more, and from what I've heard the program I am is really good, and really likely to jump start me into getting into the Animation program. Sadly, there's no ounce of hope for me right now in brightening my spirits. I really feel like crying and I feel like if I do, she won. I dislike not winning, because that makes the loser right? I can't lose.
Right now, right here. I am cold, and my mind feels heavy and glum. I don't think many or any people are listening, nor do they have to, but I'm sorry. If you are, and this totally bored you.
I won't start a wayward path to self-destruction, but I feel like until I find out if I got in or not, I will have more of these dark days. More than anything, it would feel really nice to let out these hot, burning tears.
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